Well, the time has come.
I am finally applying to college. I am applying to Georgia Tech. I can’t really tell if this is more for me or if this is for everyone else who wants me to become an engineer. I have no idea what I want to do. I thought maybe web designer, but i’m not even good at computers. I’d like to do art and literature, but I can’t write poetry and I wouldn’t be able to support myself off of art.
This is really difficult. No matter what, I really want to move to Atlanta. I feel like being in a city with so much culture will help me figure out what I need to do.
I also think i’m going to upload my art to here. I think that will somehow make me feel better. It’s not like i’ve had writer’s block. It’s more like i’ve just been in a slump. I don’t think I have any talent, and that’s why I can’t figure out what career I want. I’m sure i’ll figure it out.
On the plus side, I know where I want to work. I’d like to work for Google. I think that would be a good balance of creativity and engineering. I think it will be good for me. And I need to start listening to my own opinions.
This post is really sappy… I need to stop doing that.
I like the early morning cold
That comes in a lonely fall
When the other creatures
In a no-man’s dreamland.
It is not bitter
It is soft.
It is gentle in the way
That a friend will
Put their hand on
When you have forgotten
Your good qualities
Or cast them into doubt.
“Dewey was wrong when he said that being noble enough is all we can ask for in this world, because we can ask for much more than that. We can ask for a second helping of pound cake, even though someone has made it quite clear that we will not get any. We can ask for a new watercolor set, even though it will be pointed out that we never used the old one and that all of the paints dried into a crumbly mess. We can ask for Japanese fighting fish, to keep us company in our bedroom, and we can ask for a special camera that will allow us to take photographs even in the dark, for obvious reasons, and we can ask for an extra sugar cube in our coffees in the morning and an extra pillow in our beds at night. We can ask for justice, and we can ask for a handkerchief, and we can ask for cupcakes, and we can ask for all the soldiers in the world to lay down their weapons and join us in a rousing chorus of ‘Cry Me a River,’ if that happens to be our favorite song. But we can also ask for something we are much more likely to get, and that is to find a person or two, somewhere in our travels, who will tell us that we are noble enough, whether it is true or not. We can ask for someone who will say, ‘You are noble enough,’ and remind us of our good qualities when we have forgotten them, or cast them into doubt.”
-Lemony Snicket, The Penultimate Peril
If anyone got the reference from the title, you deserve every happiness in the world. (I also realize it is so long, but as this is a goodnight post rather than a goodbye forever as I venture through the galaxy post, the title shall remain)
Anyways, a few things. First, i’m probably not done messing with my theme and tweaking it so that my readers and I will actually enjoy it. Secondly, I wanted to share the real point of this post.
Which is to tell you the purpose of renaming my blog. It used to be “This Is A Blog” for all you newbies. And that worked, obviously. But I changed it to something more meaningful. Yin & Pepper refers to the imbalance in my life right now. Yin & Yang and Salt and Pepper perfectly fit together. They are pairs. But when you separate them and attempt to mash them with something else, there can be chaos. Which is what is happening with my mind. As I get closer and closer to college, I get closer and closer to having to decide what I want to do with my life. And it just so happens that my two passions are art and engineering. Art referring to all things artistic, literary and otherwise meaningful. Engineering meaning all things robotics, existentialist, and ingenious. And it’s hard. It’s hard to mash these two loves together, because I don’t want one without the other. Both of them make me so very happy, and yet it causes such inner chaos. Perhaps that’s why I chose Yin & Pepper. Yin & Pepper are both the dark side of their counterparts. Without their partners, they are in darkness. But until I figure out how to balance myself once and for all, I shall remain in this over dramatic state of inner turmoil.
Anywho, i’m off to read Brave New World and build a robot.
I haven’t been on here in some time. Perhaps i’ve been going through writer’s block, but it’s probably much more than that. I have an exorbitant amount of stress you see, as I am unsure of whether or not I can get into the college I want. Or if I even want to be an engineer anymore. A lot of life questions. I once read a quote somewhere. Hmm… ah! It was this. “An infinite question is often destroyed by finite answers. To define everything is to annihilate much that gives us laughter and joy.” I wonder if the same goes for the opposite. If a finite question is destroyed by infinite answers. If nothing else, the infinite answers would destroy the mind.
I’d like very much to write more. Maybe not even write. Perhaps just read. I’ll be starting a literary blog very soon with some friends of mine. It’s hard for me to choose a major. There are so many things to do and so little time. If I could sit in a room and debate the meanings of literature all day, i’d probably be a lot happier than a lot of people. But at the same time I love building things. I love technology. So i’m trying to solve this finite question puzzle. What can I do with my life, I ask myself.
And I haven’t found that answer yet. It may be a large answer that fills twelve spreadsheets and is color coded by date and subject and that will require a large amount of patience and speed. Or it may be simple. It may be two words long. I’d like help. I’d like to ask someone I trust, “What should I do with my life?” But if you think about it, if you really trust them, they’ll force you to find the answer for yourself.
Anyways, I promised more posts and I didn’t deliver. But I will. I’ll post quotes or some art of mine or anything and everything. It’ll get better.
It will get better.