At The Grocery Store

A little devil peeks out
from my shirt pocket
At the grocery store
When the clerk says my card
Has been declined

The devil jumps out
And I try my best
To grasp at it
To put it away with my fears
and my doubts
Back where they belong;
Hidden

But the damned beast is too fast
And my hands are ribbons
Moving without warning or care
Just letting everything by
With a frightening caress

I snatch the card and leave
I hate the man outside
Helping the old woman with her bags.
I hate the children
Playing in the race car cart
With their ignorant glee.

My devil runs to them and screams
“You ignorant bastards!
Can’t you see i’m in pain?”
And I grab at him but
It’s too late now
The children know.

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Art Appreciation and Our Sad Generation

I don’t think that appreciation of the arts should be restricted to a certain age or generation. I think it’s sad that people look down on young adults because we are in an age of technology, and art and poetry and literature is often forgotten.

We look down upon intelligence and assume liking art and music and literature is pretentious and aggravating. We call intelligent people “nerds” and those who appreciate art “hipsters”. It’s aggravating. I don’t think children should be given iPads for gifts. That’s completely ridiculous. I don’t think people should be looked down upon for getting good grades and reading old books and visiting art museums. The problem with our generation is that we rely too much on other people or on other things. We’re spoiled.

The other day I was sitting downtown reading a book. Three people walked past me and literally said, “Who reads books anymore?”

I believe in humans. Just not in humanity.

Life As I Know It.

Well, the time has come.

I am finally applying to college. I am applying to Georgia Tech. I can’t really tell if this is more for me or if this is for everyone else who wants me to become an engineer. I have no idea what I want to do. I thought maybe web designer, but i’m not even good at computers. I’d like to do art and literature, but I can’t write poetry and I wouldn’t be able to support myself off of art.

This is really difficult. No matter what, I really want to move to Atlanta. I feel like being in a city with so much culture will help me figure out what I need to do.

I also think i’m going to upload my art to here. I think that will somehow make me feel better. It’s not like i’ve had writer’s block. It’s more like i’ve just been in a slump. I don’t think I have any talent, and that’s why I can’t figure out what career I want. I’m sure i’ll figure it out.

On the plus side, I know where I want to work. I’d like to work for Google. I think that would be a good balance of creativity and engineering. I think it will be good for me. And I need to start listening to my own opinions.

This post is really sappy… I need to stop doing that.

I’m terribly sorry.

I haven’t been on here in some time. Perhaps i’ve been going through writer’s block, but it’s probably much more than that. I have an exorbitant amount of stress you see, as I am unsure of whether or not I can get into the college I want. Or if I even want to be an engineer anymore. A lot of life questions. I once read a quote somewhere. Hmm… ah! It was this. “An infinite question is often destroyed by finite answers. To define everything is to annihilate much that gives us laughter and joy.” I wonder if the same goes for the opposite. If a finite question is destroyed by infinite answers. If nothing else, the infinite answers would destroy the mind.

I’d like very much to write more. Maybe not even write. Perhaps just read. I’ll be starting a literary blog very soon with some friends of mine. It’s hard for me to choose a major. There are so many things to do and so little time. If I could sit in a room and debate the meanings of literature all day, i’d probably be a lot happier than a lot of people. But at the same time I love building things. I love technology. So i’m trying to solve this finite question puzzle. What can I do with my life, I ask myself.

And I haven’t found that answer yet. It may be a large answer that fills twelve spreadsheets and is color coded by date and subject and that will require a large amount of patience and speed. Or it may be simple. It may be two words long. I’d like help. I’d like to ask someone I trust, “What should I do with my life?” But if you think about it, if you really trust them, they’ll force you to find the answer for yourself.

Anyways, I promised more posts and I didn’t deliver. But I will. I’ll post quotes or some art of mine or anything and everything. It’ll get better.

It will get better.

Photograph

It is more than a flash
Or a tinker of parts
From a cheap device
You gained from a sibling
Or a cousin or a
Parent or someone
You don’t even know.
It is underestimated and
Underated in unforgivable ways.
It is a memory, sure
A flicker of the past,
A scent a sound a secret
That has been forever captured
In a box of time possibly
With the date in the corner.
But once again,
It is more than all that.
It is purpose.
It is undeniable
That we achieved
What has been forever
Frozen in a rectangular
Piece of time.
And it is proof.
It is proof that we are here
That we were there
And that we exist.
And that is
Irreplaceable.

Resolutions, So Maybe 2012 Won’t be as Disorganized as Every Other Year.

Well, New Year’s is fast approaching and I honestly didn’t realize it until today. I’m terrible with dates and times and whatnot, so it’s to be expected, but still. Since i’ve been terrible at updating this thing, i’m making this post to make my blog a bit more active and maybe sort out a few thoughts. I still haven’t really figured what my New Year’s Resolutions are, so i’m going to do that right now. You know, if my brain ever starts working.

1. Get better at the ukulele and finally do a two-hour set at the coffee shop. I really want to get good at the ukulele, so I need to start practicing more. Everyday, if I can. Also, there is a coffee shop downtown that I like to perform at on Open Mic Night, but i’ve never done a two-hour set because I chicken out, even though they have asked me a few times. But I will do it this year! Really.

2. Save at least $10 a month. I’m really truly terrible at saving money. Even though I need money for a trip to Europe and college. But darn me, I can’t help it when I see a freakin pair of shoes. But this year, I will save ten dollars a month, and I am NOT allowed to spend any of it. It is for COLLEGE. Get that through your head, Savannah.

3. Get all A’s. I know that is the clichéd resolution, but I will be getting all A’s so I can get into Tech. I have to start thinking about my future unfortunately.

4. Drink only clear liquid. I know this one is completely ridiculous. But it limits me to water and sprite. Which means I will be healthier and my teeth shant get stained with coffee and coke and whatnot. I may allow myself one colored drink a month though. Because Starbucks is cruel.

5. Try writing again. I’ve pretty much given up on writing. But I want to so badly. So i’m going to try again, and maybe i’ll like my work. I’m reading this book “Letters to a Young Poet” by Rainer Maria Rilke. It’s really good, and I think it’ll help me write. Combining that with the movie “Midnight in Paris”, and I am completely ready to start writing again. I highly suggest you read/watch both of those. Both very good.

I can’t really think of anything else honestly…. clean and whatnot. Uhh…. Yeah, that’s about it. I love fresh starts, but I don’t know. I’m not so sure about 2012. I have a weird feeling about it. Not like an “I’m gonna die.” feeling. More like i’m not gonna have a good year. But we’ll see. This year will bring the start of my Senior year and my 18th birthday, so it’s gotta be good. I’m just a pessimist.

p.s.

6. Stop being a pessimist.